Rebuilding Your Life After Divorce: Finding Identity, Setting Goals, and Embracing New Beginnings

If you have recently made the decision to separate from your partner, life right now may feel incredibly daunting, but it is also a new start for you and your children. Remember, you are not alone. According to official government statistics, in the first quarter of 2024, 27,908 applications for divorce were submitted, and 21,662 final orders were granted. In this article, we will look at what you can do to rebuild your post-divorce life, regain your sense of identity, and embrace the next chapter with confidence.

Finding your identity after divorce

It is extremely common to feel as though you have lost your sense of identity after you have made the decision to divorce. After all, having spent so much of your life with another person, it is easy to lose sight of who you are as an individual. You may have spent many years making important life decisions together, sharing experiences, and supporting each other through life. Once the marriage ends, there is often not only a sense of loss but also of having to rediscover yourself once again in the world. This may naturally leave you feeling overwhelmed, uncomfortable, and uncertain.

It is important to take the time you need to reflect on who you are and what you now want in life for you and your children. If you feel lost or unsure, we recommend seeking professional support from a counsellor to help support you through this time of self-reflection and growth.

As Cindy Bouchard, a women’s divorce coach, explains, “Approaching your new identity with curiosity is something I encourage. Who do you want to be now? How do you want to show up in your relationships differently with yourself, your friends, family and children? When you are single, you have the ability to do the work to figure this out. Take the time to get to know yourself again”.

Setting new goals and rebuilding your life after divorce

One way to give yourself a sense of control and that you are moving in a positive direction after divorce is to set yourself new goals that reflect your new aspirations. Of course, at the start, you may not know what these are. A counsellor can help you lift the fog of divorce and discover what it is that you now want from life. Even by setting small, achievable goals, you can start to regain control and build a sense of purpose. These goals can be as simple as eating healthier food, spending quality time with your children and family, and getting out for some regular exercise.

When setting new goals, ask yourself:

·      What do you want from the next phase of your life?

·      Do you want to simplify and declutter your life?

·      What do you want for your children?

·      Is there a career change you have always wanted to make?

·      Have you ever dreamed of moving to a particular place?

Do not place unnecessary pressure on yourself. Life after divorce is not a race, and each person’s journey is different. Be kind to yourself as you set these new goals, and remember that it’s okay to take things one step at a time.

Exploring new hobbies and interests

One of the most exciting aspects of life post-divorce is the opportunity to explore new hobbies and interests. Admittedly, right now, the idea of exploring new hobbies and interests may feel a million miles away, but given time, you may feel that you want to try something different.

Hobbies offer so many benefits after divorce. They help you take your mind off what is happening at home, allow you to rediscover yourself, meet new people, and allow you to reconnect with yourself. There is no limit to what you can do. You may want to start off small by doing some painting or going for a walk. Over time, you may decide to learn a new language, join a class, or even start a new sport. Find an activity that brings you joy and gives you a much-needed sense of fulfilment, allowing you to focus on the positive aspects of your new life. Perhaps think about what you used to enjoy in your earlier life or even as a child, and approach this time with an open mind and a willingness to try new things.

Dating again - when and how to start

There really is no right answer to the question of when to start dating again. What matters is that the time is right for you and your children. When you are ready to start dating again after your divorce, consider taking things slow. Listen to yourself, trust your instincts, and take a step back if things don’t feel right for you.

Divorce marks the end of a chapter, but it is not the end of love or companionship. When the time is right, you will find yourself open to new experiences and relationships, and when you do, you will feel much stronger and in a more self-assured place.

Final words

At KLR Solicitors, having helped many people through divorce, we understand that divorce is more than a legal matter – it is also an emotional journey. Remember, while the immediate road ahead may seem challenging, it will open up a route of exciting possibilities for a future that reflects who you truly are and what you want from life.

For a free consultation regarding your divorce or any other aspect of your separation, please call our understanding and caring family law team on 0208 300 6666.